the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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