Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
