She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
