if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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