o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
