Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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