beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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