You're so nebulous sometimes
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
