Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
