You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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