totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
