my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
