Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm both gender and math confused
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
