Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize