I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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