Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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