you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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