Can Purell be used as lube?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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