Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
