She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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