I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
