you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
