This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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