the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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