no. you can't hotbox the world.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
