I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
