the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
