New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
