hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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