ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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