Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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