Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
