Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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