Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
