Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
