youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We are two peas in an std pod
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize