I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
worst night to have a conscience
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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