Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
