At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
