I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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