We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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