Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
