it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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