The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
