Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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