He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
