I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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