Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
