Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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