my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
