thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
