if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
