help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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