I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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