I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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