why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm both gender and math confused
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
