Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
