I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize