After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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