Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
