grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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