watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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