So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
