Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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