Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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