I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
